in search of lost time
by enemies2lovers
Summary: a supergirl season 3 episode 15 fix-it fic kara under the influence of mrynn whilst traning with mon-el


She was angry.  
She knew she was angry.  
But that anger just poured out of her physically. Like she didn't care. He was in front of her and he wasnt- well she wasn't beating the heck out of him anymore.  
She shook her head lightly.  
She shouldn't have punched Mon-el that hard.

Mon-el admired her from the balcony above. He still remembers that time when she was kicking all those blocks of concrete because she was mad. He made her mad. Because he was kind of dating- no, done dating Eve because she was all he could talk about-Kara.

Kara was swirling her cape. Like her thoughts swirling about everything these days. Trying to figure out how to work her own cape. To execute the movements Mon-el showed her.  
It physically hurt to see him in his suit for the first time. It was like seeing everything she wanted and everything she couldn't have all at once. And it just frustrated her as much as it captivated her.  
He was adorned in a red and blue suit almost as reverse colors as her cousin wears but his was missing the El crest. But he had the emblem of it, it's outline. His suit was high collared unlike Clark's. She took it all in from the top of his brown hair to the soles of his blue boots. and that long blue cape. He was breath-taking and beautiful. And isn't hers.

"Wow" was all she was all she could say. She couldn't just have said, "nice" or nodded apprehensively. She said wow the way she says wow to those eat all you can ribs. She just hoped he didn't see the look of everything she craved for in her face.

"You always said I cleaned up nice."

She did. She thought that when he first landed to earth in a pod. She did when she gave him a haircut with her heat vision and let him try suits for Mike Matthews. Now Mike is gone, maybe forever. But God the things she would do to have Mike back.

Kara snapped back in the present when she heard Mon-el's voice. "Footwork looks excellent."

There he is again. That presence she hated but wanted the most.

"Thanks."

But all she really wanted to say was "stop walking in on me when I'm training, why do you keep on doing that?" like that one moment when she was mad at him. She was busying herself kicking off blocks of cement trying not to think of what Eve and Mon-el might be doing at that moment and then out of nowhere he was there clapping.

And now he's here again. Not with Eve then. Not with his wife. But with her.

"So you uh- you punched me."  
"Yeah." Oh God. She did. And hard. She hoped she needed not to explain it.  
"Doesn't feel like a part of the sparring session, can we talk about it?" He looked at his feet. Why couldn't he look at her straight?  
"I'm really sorry. It was M'rynn's psychic episode." What a lame excuse. Lame, lame. She tried to change the subject. "Why weren't you affected?"  
"The legion ring acts as a shield," he says.  
She huffed. Now understanding.  
"Another perk from the future." The future, the future, always the future between them. Kara thought she hated the future for a moment.

His brows furrowed, obviously not convinced.  
"Are you sure this is all it was?"  
"Yeah." Her voice got higher. Why is her voice- betraying her.  
"Nothing between us?" She hoped he'd stop asking these questions.  
"No." She wanted to laugh. It has always been everything between them. All said and unsaid.  
"Cause look, I thought we were in a good place. But if we need to stop, we'll just-"  
She cut him off. She's just so tired. "No it's fine. This is a good thing."  
This was wasn't it?

He sighed. Because this was sad Kara again. The one that needs to be hugged and tightly. But she's not backing down.  
"There are worldkillers out there. We-Let's do this."  
She looked down and then looked him in the eye.  
"I'm ready." She put up her fighting stance.

He does not want to cause any more hurt than he's causing her even if it means he didn't get to train her. He just could never say no to her. Not ever. With a sigh he complied. "Okay."  
"Good, you didn't dip the shoulder. That's good." Ironic how he's the one telling her that now. Kara tried again pivoting and swirling her cape. It didn't work. It frustrated her. She's frustrated that she can't. Why can't she just do it? So simple. Damn it. She was getting angry. Again.

"Hey, we survived the black hole. We can get through this together."  
Now she was really angry. Not realizing that M'yrnn was affecting her thoughts again. Together? Get through together? How dare him.  
"Come on, try it again." He urged gently. And she did try again, this time giving a hard shove of that damned cape of hers that doesn't seem to cooperate.  
"You just missed the pivot. Keep your left foot planted-" That's it. She was pissed. This guy thinks he could just tell her what they've been through and what to do-  
"Will. you. shut. up!"  
He looked utterly shocked. Speechless. Eyes wide and brows creased. Her sudden outburst made eveything spin then stop.  
"You're right, we've been through a lot together. We've been through a lot that you gave up on me and married yourself a wife! You-" She bit her lip and ran her fingers through her hair.  
"I get that it was seven years for you, I do I get it, you need to move on and all that crap but really? You stopped trying Mon-el,"  
He felt like his heart was stopping. Like that time he inhaled lead.

"You got a wife Mon-El, in my face, and you never apologized."

She was hurting him. Too much, too much he can't-all he can do was shake his head. Trapped in his past again. Kara's future.

"Kara-"  
"God you we're a huge jackass, you were a reckless, selfish, unfeeling lying jerk before you said you loved me and choose to change, but now you're here, a reformed person and all that I wanted you to be and you have a wife. How dare you—"

She heaved a breath.  
"You losed hope! You stopped thinking of me! You just- stopped. I would've moved on, but deep inside I know I will wait for you forever. You know you being gone almost-almost- That I almost lost myself?! That I almost lost my humanity?! That I almost lost the people I love?! And you-you have the guts to come back. With a wife. Who you've been with all these years?! And you're the one to tell me what we've been through? How dare you?!"

She's in his face now. Shouting at him. He can't feel his heart. He wants to break his own face. This pain. This utter consuming blinding pain.  
"I hear you. I get it."  
If he could just undo it all. If he were just as strong as Superman who could tilt this earth and reverse time.

Kara's temple's hurt. She had to pressed her fingers on his temple to ease the pain.  
"No, I don't think you do get it. I loved you! You were the first person that I gave my whole heart to. And God, forgive me that I still love you! I wish- I wish" She stutters her heart stuttering as well.

Mon-El was stunned now. She still loves him. Of course she does, damn it. It has only been seven months for her. And being near her in that suit and that face she adored is definitely not in any way helping. God, he hates himself he could just-

"I wish you never came back. I wish you just stayed in the future with your wife! I-" She was almost crying now. "I wish you came back but as that misogynist person I knew! That it would make me hate you, forget about all these feelings and change it to loathing you."

Her eyes shine with tears.  
"Why couldn't I just hate you! I don't think you get it Mon-El, I don't think that you do get that I gave my heart to someone who would give up on me like you do-"

"Kara! Kara look at me!" He gave everything, poured every strength he still had in his voice. He held her shoulders now firmly. Her comet eyes brimming with tears met his.  
"Kara, just stop." He hugged her, the tightest he could. Feeling and hearing her heartbeat fast and loud matching his. Laid his chin on her head.  
"Kara, I'm so so sorry. With all my being. I am so sorry for everything I am, ever did and will do. I never meant to hurt you. If you never forgive me I'll accept it,," His tears flowing to Kara's hair now. Breaking off that hug, he met her eyes. The eyes he loved so much. That shone brighter than any comet will ever have.

"There was never a waking day I did not love you. That I did not miss you. That I did not think of you. How you are. If you are getting your potstickers and bacon and ham with pineapple pizzas" He tells her laugh crying.

"I was married yes, but not out of love. You are the love of my life Kara, my One True Alien, my Juliette, my only Supergirl. Please believe me," He's staring at her lips now. The lips he'd only ever wanted to kiss after he tasted them when he was about to die at that time at the DEO."

"I beg you to believe me when I tell you I— all I want right now is to be with you— in spirit, soul and body. God, Kara I love you so much, the future, the legion, everything be damned. I love you too and it's all that matters now."

And with his superspeed pushed her gently on the wall nearby. Caging her in his arms. She said she loved him still and he loved her still, really just for now, at this moment- everything be damned.

And he kissed her. Mouth crashing on hers like she's the air he ever only wanted to breathe. Lifted her up on his waist and kissed her neck. It's been seven years since he's tasted this soul wrenching kiss. His teeth caught gently on her upper lip. It's been seven months for Kara and oh God, every memory of him on top of her comes crashing back to her. And she can't. She can't. She can't. He couldn't breathe.

/260418


End file.
